Thank you, Dish Network!

I got off work at 8pm. I forgot my iPod. My workout got off to an amazing start.

I go down to the basement to start lifting. But something wasn’t right. For 10 minutes, I heard Big Brother (and Sister) talking about how to setup and use the Dish Network. Somehow, overhead speakers had been flipped to the Dish Network’s informational channel – audio only.

By then, everyone in the free weight area was eying eachother, begging “What. The. Fuck?” of the fellow gymrats. They did it without saying a word. Until, ya know, I said a word.

“Um… anyone else cool with this whole Dish Network thing?” I got some grins… and then, it happened.

He walked down the stairs. If it were a movie he’d have been in slow motion, smoke would have come billowing out from behind him, and the dramatic music would have crescendoed (and he would have started tossing his hair… if he was a chick… in a slinky dress…). But, we were at the gym, so he just kind of bounced down the stairs and started his workout.

Then, he took his earbud out of his ear and gazed at the ceiling. He had noticed the Dish Network soundtrack and, through his own music, had just joined the ranks of the annoyed.

This Jane calls that an “in”.

“Yeah – I know, right? What’s that about?” I’m so clever.

He gives a smirk and a nod. His name is Plank Guy*. After I went upstairs to save the day and came down successful, I walked over and said “hi.” “So, you used to be Plank Guy*, but I guess I can call you “Earth Treks Guy” now.” (Yes, I said that. Yes, I called him Plank Guy.)

“Oh, you go there? Do you climb?”

Yes. Yes I do. Or at least I do for the purposes of this conversation. It wasn’t a lie. It was a perfectly reasonable, if not mildly overblown, statement of fact.

5 minutes later, I got back to working out. No one likes to be interrupted. But on the way out, I stopped him.

“My name is Jane. I call you Plank Guy, but….”

“I’m [Not Plank Guy]. Nice to meet you, Jane.”

Fuck. Yeah. Another one in the bag.

*Plank Guy is Plank Guy because he gets into plank position and stays there for up to 4 minutes while reading an article positioned below him. It’s amazing to behold for any number of reasons.