Summer Camp for Old People – My mom’s gym

I spent the weekend in FL – 3 “glorious” days. It was my mom’s birthday. My parents live in an “Active Adult Community” (aka summer camp for the aging). You have to be over 55 to live there, and your kids have to be over 18 if they are going to live with you. The whole place sucks. If you go to the pool, and close your eyes, you swear you’re in the old country. Or New York. The accents are thick and the volume is set at 11.

They sit in circles and gossip about what the other old people are doing. Oh – and they cause trouble! My mom said that they can’t bring gym bags to the “sports club” anymore, only clear bags, because people were stealing weights. Stealing weights!!! They fight over tennis times and police one another at the pool – “Are you sure you can eat heee-ah?” They take aerobics classes and whine about the instructors. “Ohh… she’s tough! What does she think we’re 20 or somethin’?” *sigh*

So with all that said – going down to spend time at summer camp is never all that pleasant. But their gym is incredible. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of going to the gym with my mom.

When you go there,You know the nagging thing moms do? The looking-over-your-shoulder-on-the-computer-asking-”what’s that?” thing? My mom does that, oh, does she ever. But this weekend when I was down there, she brought her 4-star nagging to the gym.

The gym is my safe space. When I needed to zen out after a day and a half of dealing with my mom and dad, I didn’t go to the beach, I went to the gym. Looking hot. Because some of these old people have super hot kids. Not many — but some. Unfortunately, my mom came along with me.

“So, Jane. Can we work out together?”

“No.”

5 minutes later -

“Can you show me a few exercises?”

“No.”

With phat beats coming from the overhead speakers (Johnny Angel? Really?), I was pumped up. Gah. I stuck my earphones in and turned up the volume. I went straight into lunges. I was super focused. I needed this workout.

“Jane? *mumble mumble*” I saw her lips moving, but I didn’t have a clue, mid-lunge, what the heck she wanted.

I dropped my left earphone – “Jane, what are those for?”

“Your legs, ma. They’re bad for your knees. Don’t bother.”

I didn’t mean to blow her off, but I am really used to working out alone. With all the voices in my head. I mean music! The music.

I finally think she got the point and left me to my workout. Finally. It was the only 25 minutes I had sans nagging for my entire stay. It was a great workout. I showed up the one other old guy working out there. Hell yeah I can curl as much as you, old guy.

I am so sad.

Lessons learned: Gym alone, always. Show up everyone in the gym regardless of how old and decrepit they are. Always look cute. Because some of those old decrepit guys you’re showing up have cute sons. Or so I hear.